Here I am sitting on my floor consuming my lunch: a cup of coffee. The last day of holidays is just as bitter and lonely as most of its days were... And just like the fool with the little white dog, I'm about to leap off the cliff into the unknown. The advice I was given is to have faith, because good things come to good people... good enough people...goodness and the pretties, they don't matter. I don't matter... not enough.

The truth is that what I imagined and dreamed of as a possible future was so much better than this reality. I even wrote it down, my expectations, loud and clear... but the bottom line is that you can't make someone want you and because you want them (so very bad) it doesn't mean they want you back automatically.

This void in my chest is aching. It's an anchor so heavy, I'm scared it will drag me down before the leap off. I should do some work, so I don't end up taking a knife to a gunfight. I am the fool with the little white dog... it can be a good thing you know.