I've been being between requirements, expectations and different types of measures of my ailities. I think I've just have had enough. I'm undertaking everything, focusing right ot the near future, and i'm still gritting my teeth. Maybe that is just not the dream I had a couple of years ago. But who cares, everything is changing, and I just keep doing it and waiting for a calmer time. I can take it.

But beside of all these things, I just don't want to spend time and power to fight with you, to fight for your respect or support or whatever...It's just something, that I can't do. You can call me weak, coward or just a hairdresser, but I never will pick up that sword to fight with you for myself. If I have to protect myself against you on any field of live, It would just kill me... I would give up at the first louder worlds and rather choose dying in starve, softly and easily... Coz without you, I can't fight with the world anymore, or not with the same power like I had before.

And my dreams are mine... and i will have them when you won't be there anymore... 

Said Helen Mirren, and I'm sure that she was thinking about my Uni, when she addressed it to Russel Crowe.

Yesterday these were the worlds, which kept repeating in my head...

The worst day of my life, but the  truth is that all day has an end, so that had one as well...

I've been gritting my teeth, dunno since when...but I think I do it to often. While he was here I woke up to his soft slaps, and whispers in almost every morning...then he just wrapped me, and put me in sleep again. He is taking a good care of me, and my teeth as well... and of course that te yesterday was the worst day of my life, if it starts with a goodbye on the air port...always hard to leave him somewhere, and than just keep waiting for him again.