I've been being between requirements, expectations and different types of measures of my ailities. I think I've just have had enough. I'm undertaking everything, focusing right ot the near future, and i'm still gritting my teeth. Maybe that is just not the dream I had a couple of years ago. But who cares, everything is changing, and I just keep doing it and waiting for a calmer time. I can take it.

But beside of all these things, I just don't want to spend time and power to fight with you, to fight for your respect or support or whatever...It's just something, that I can't do. You can call me weak, coward or just a hairdresser, but I never will pick up that sword to fight with you for myself. If I have to protect myself against you on any field of live, It would just kill me... I would give up at the first louder worlds and rather choose dying in starve, softly and easily... Coz without you, I can't fight with the world anymore, or not with the same power like I had before.

And my dreams are mine... and i will have them when you won't be there anymore...