I am not 21...in me. I have told before: I'm always late.

He was right when he said, I was a little girl. Actually that time I just got start relationship with deepness.

And now comes the bunch of what would happened if... questions.

If I chose someone else.

If I went to Med School.

If I never bilieved "the good always wins" stuff.

If I had broken bone.

If I have ever felt real pain.

I'm weak, that is the truth...and incorrect, and somewhere still a child. Yeah this is the regular (once in a half year) 'I think: I'm crap' day. To love me and pretend to do it, well in this world is almost the same. Acting, hazarding...pretending. Cause to much pain for yourself. I think everybody is wounded and frightened - and it's not just an european : we have seen the second World War stuff. It's just like to being human, to get know yourself, your borders. Just ask: who am I? And than unhappiness begins. I will never forget what he taught me, us... about looking for truth...

Always in uncertainity, always in trap. So he was right at that time... but now he wouldn't believe how the World have changed around me, and made me changed too. Scary and magnificent, exactly like growing up...

like growing to old...